I spent the day going thru my closet organizing things I have been storing in there to pack to take back to Egypt.
Each item I found made me think of the day I bought it and what I bought it for and how happy I was to be able to buy it for my home in Egypt and to save money doing it from here.
One by one I had to touch these items and feel how hard I worked for the money which I paid for them and then only to be told it wasn't worth it not to come back NOW.
Each piece I found made the pain worse and the tears flow faster and even my sisters cat was upset seeing me this way he stayed with me to comfort me as he is now on my chair knowing I am crying.
When does it stop when will God stop punishing me? When will God punish HIM?
I also found the afgan I crochet for my granddaughter who asked me to do one for her and then her mother won't allow her to have it.. MORE PAIN MORE TEARS..
Am I that horrible a person to have to face all this all the time. ??
I come on Opera and find beauiful words from people I care about and whom I never met and yet family can rip my heart out day after day.
God said you get what you can handle .. I have said, " I can't take any more" but it still comes pushing me to my limits to the point of not functioning.
I am sorry for this posting I just wanted you to know I am not doing to well right now and I need you.
Love you
Eve
As I am replying I notice that you have just wrote it, like only 10 minutes ago, so I feel as if this is meant to be. OK! Thanks for being honest and saying exactly what you feel. It does feel at times that God is always punishing and punishing…….but also, the gifts that he gives are wonderful and amazing! We have to remember those when you are falling on hard emotional times, such as now. We do all love you Eve, you have such a kind spirit that flows through your writing and when I read it, always makes me feel warm and loved as well. Some days I feel as if I don’t know who would tell me nice things if it hadn’t been for friends here on the net! You are so right about family. They can really push your emotions as far to the limit that you can take. Remember that(the bible) says ” A friend can stick closer than a brother.” How true that is!If you can accept that fact, then I think it may help you lots. I love you and I hope that you have a safe trip. I would send you flowers if I knew where in the world you would be….lol! I hope we make you feel a little better. Always,Sarah:heart::love::heart::up:
Eve, it breaks my heart to read this post, but it’s also encouraging to know that you can share these feelings and express them. You are not at all a horrible person, and I don’t think there are many who could fill your shoes and face the situation as bravely or as honestly as you do.All the tears and pain now – this is a good thing. You’re not bottling it up, you’re facing it and acknowledging it. This is one of the most valuable things I learned from Eastern religion – the key to happiness is to be aware of and accept, regardless of whether something is good or bad. You’re in a lot of pain, but you face it and you recognize that it is there; you accept that it is happening to you. That doesn’t mean you don’t wish to be happy, but you don’t hide from the unhappiness that is flowing through you right now – and it will pass with time.Keep experiencing the pain, Eve, and don’t run away from it. You have a good heart and spirit, and you will get through it. It’s obvious you have a lot of friends here who are always willing to lend their ear, shoulder, and hearts – you can rely on all of us.The sky is filled with clouds, but clouds can bring rain, and the rain nourishes the spirit – so that once the sun comes out to shine again, the spirit can grow in the returning warmth. :)Be well, and be happy.
Dear Eve, I remember having some hard tim3s myself, so I deeply understand how you feel. I understand that you feel you’re being punished, but you are the person who has taught us that there is light behind the darkest clouds so maybe all it takes is that you run three more yards to get out of this stretch.Hochman says that you should face the pain, Eve, and I agree. You know that all your Opera family is here for you and that you can count on us. Thank you very much for sharing and please remember that everything will be ok, God doesn’t give you tests that you can’t pass.Shine on
HI Sweet Sarah, T and Ez.I have a friend who said to me recently, “you have been thru harder times than this” she is right and she has been thru them with me as I was with her hard and dark days.I really believe I am the one punishing myself, I was the one dreaming of a future where as HE was only dreaming of what he can take.Just yesterday he said to me.. “can’t you WAIT FOR ME TO BE WELL?”How can someone be well when they don’t make the effort to do so? Why should I wait? He knows the agony I am going thru now and cares for nothing, he is punishing me for being ME for giving and giving and doing and doing for OUR FUTURE NOT ME.Just know all of you that without your words and caring I would be really bad off more so then now.I am done waiting I am 58 life is shorter for me than him. I AM DONE!!Sarah I am in USA and I will be here, no more Egypt even tho I do have options other than HIM.. I have people who care for me there however, it’s not the sameGod bless you all and thank you for the encouragement and loveHugsEve
Mi querida amiga, es muy triste lo que relatas, pero tienes que sobreponerte. Recordar los momentos felices de nuestra vida nos hace llorar cuando los miramos pensando que son momentos perdidos para siempre. Por muy duro que sea aceptarlo, el pasado ya no es y nunca volverá a ser: está muerto y hay que enterrarlo… no debes rememorar para sufrir, debes rememorar para recordar que has sido feliz. Y, querida amiga, nunca vuelvas a pensar que eres culpable de lo que ha sucedido, que todo ha sucedido porque eres una persona horrible. Nadie es culpable: las rupturas emocionales son tan frecuentes y antiguas como el día y la noche. Dios no te está castigando. Dios no te está probando. Y Dios tampoco castigará al otro… Dios no está manejando las vidas de las personas a su antojo. Es un problema de humanos, no es un problema con Dios. Si quieres castigar al otro, lo que tienes que hacer es ser feliz sin él: ése será su castigo, el ver que puedes ser feliz sin él, que no tienes necesidad de él. Dices que eres una persona espiritual, entonces busca consuelo en la ofrenda de tu dolor a Dios. Recuerda que Dios no te está castigando, pero tomará en su seno tu ofrenda y sufrirá contigo: no estás sola… querida amiga: no estás sola y aún quedan muchos momentos felices que tienes que vivir: no los pierdas por estar llorando lo que ya está muerto.Un gran abrazo.TR Machine:My dear friend, is very sad what you relate, but you have to overcome. To remember the happy moments of our life he/she makes us cry when we look at them thinking that they are forever lost moments. For very hard that is to accept it, the past it is no longer and it is never again: it is dead and it is necessary to bury him… you should not remember to suffer, you should remember for to remember that you have been happy. And, dear friend, never think again that you are guilty of what has happened that everything has happened because you are a horrible person. Nobody is guilty: the emotional ruptures are as frequent and old as the one day and the night. God is not punishing you. God is not testing you. And God neither will punish to the other one… God is not managing the lives from people to their whim. It is a problem of human, it is not a problem with God. If you want to punish to the other one, what you have to make is to be happy without him: that will be their punishment, seeing that you can be happy without him that you don’t have necessity of him. You say that you are a spiritual person, then search comfort in the offering of your pain to God. He/she remembers that God is not punishing you, but he/she will take in its breast your offering and it will suffer with you: you are not alone… dear friend: you are not alone and they are still many happy moments that you have to live: don’t lose them what is already dead to be crying.A great hug.
My sweet On’anYour words are so full of greatness and comfort, I know you are so right in saying this and today I am looking at a brighter future with out tears and with I hope smiles :)I am trying to take it day by day and see life for ME now again and I will do it as I said before I have suffered much harder things in my life and this is just a hurdle I must get over before finding my real happiness again.I feel I am mourning the feelings I had for 6 years and not knowing this was going to happen to me and it was a shock and I think this is why so many things are bothering me since I didn’t expect it.God has been very good to me and I know God will continue to bless me as he has with your friendship and all the others here in Opera that do care.I am very blessed more now than before ..With loveEve
HI HG,Thank you for your words of comfort and wishes to me. I also hope I can look back and even smile about it.I will survive just the hurdles are getting higher for me to jump over.HugsEve
Hi Eve, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re upset. I don’t understand either why family can be so hard to take sometimes. I can only send good vibes that you will get through this difficult time in your life and be able to look abck one day and laugh at it. hugshungry